Help me experience the resilience of the human spirit rather than the weakness I am used to.

I plead for peace.

What benefit does fear provide?

I will give up the notion of “carefully” and care for me recklessly

sadness is the closest to death you can ever be, emotionally

show me the way to intentionally be alive

to not just survive the depression and sessions of tears

adding years to my pretty ass

I just want to have

the power to make my days last,

Do you have power? And soul?

I ask the universe to make me whole

I want to overdose and combust on actual stardust

so I’m just pleading for a guide map.

something with arrows and walkways

highlighted names of rest stops and a bumpy spots where mountains will be

pictures of stick figures walking to and fro to let me know the trip is possible

please circle the place that says “you are here”

because I need to know I’m somewhere

this is more than a pleading, it’s the first draft of a grieving

to the powers

that harness my powers

GIVE THEM BACK: I am the Lion that salivated and created a creek of hunger. Swim to me and give me my meat, my beans and bread

I am not dead, I am not dead, just a young sufferhead

Give me back my waves. My ways of looking at a man and snatching a patch out the back of his heart

Give me back the names of my sons and daughters each raindrop, snowflake, and individual vapor-drop of cloud

give me the flaming fingernails and ash-made tongue, I want my dragon’s voice.

                            I tore while giving birth to the Earth,

I was made to be everything

Please treat me as such.

I’m not asking, that’s a command

and this isn’t a plea this it’s a plan

and I want to never need a man

but to be able to tolerate him. 

I’d like to know what i’d wish for on a polished lamp

if “to start over” was against the rules.

Probably to be a goddess again, and remember. that’s the real problem

I forgot my name and i’m asking for everyone else’s

nice to meet you

I’m making friends but not making me

I can hold  on to these dark places, and negative spaces too well

I am a being from the core of a euphoric asteroid

but have spent too much time in Hell  (It’s in the mind, you know, really. there’s no fire, just suckiness. it’s dark depressing suckfest of unjoy. you might as well be burning up. maybe that’s why they tell you that)

The only answer is to expand.

this is the last thing I will speak

before explosion

into matter so weightless it can’t be seen

so delicate it builds on itself

and creates an entirely. different. being.