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Virginity. What’s the BFD?

So this subject isn’t awkward at all…
There are so many ways to breach this delicate topic so why not just get to the goodies. No need for modesty here. Take a load off and let’s talk about those hymens!

For a virgin the world is a creepy place. Society is obsessed, right? I mean with religion attaching all kinds of confusing moral stigmata to female sexuality, the media and its THOT/whore complexities that police a woman’s sexual nature, it can be hard for a woman to know where to start when making that decision on her own. People are selling virginity for millions on the internet, there are misogynistic websites that treat casual sex like a “boys only” club that makes women unmarryable if they so much as think about doing it before marriage. How toxic are these mindsets for young girls who just want ownership of their own lives and bodies?

My decision to wait until marriage was a religious and fear-based thing. I was afraid of becoming dangerously emotionally attached to everyone I shared my body with so I thought it was just best not to share. Well that, and “(southern accent) Jesus is watching”. I can’t tell you the pride that would fill me when boys (eventually men) would ask me if I still had my “V” card and I could say “why yes, my good sir, as a matter of fact I have never been penetrated.” I would absorb the feeling of being a novelty, and hold on to it as if it were a sign that I belonged to some exclusive kingdom. I soaked in the approval, the slight curiosity, their lust for the unattainable.9c68a3e796abe85006db741e2a0b3e8e

Let’s stop right there. This is problematic as hell. I’m all for chastity until you are of age, you feel ready, and you’re pretty sure it’ll hold no regrets for you in the future. But why is it okay for guys to ask about our virginity? Why is does it give us a sense of being “good” or passing a test if we’re able to answer a certain way? Furthermore it’s the same principle when you’re scrolling through Facebook and suddenly your neighborhood F**kboy posts and asks “how many of yall females can count your sex partners one hand? I’ll wait.” or “Some of you have a body count higher than your light bill and expect to be wifed. It’s too late for you sis.” WHY is this even up for conversation, and how is it that so many subsequent comments from the women are answering  like they’re trying to convince the guy who posted it that they are not “one of those kinds of girls” being described.

When TF did the panty police get the right to an interrogation? Seriously who even is this guy and why is our sexuality his business? We are so used to being policed, monitored, and judged that you’d be hard pressed to find a virgin in who isn’t anxious about EVERYTHING concerning this natural act. How is she going to be viewed after? What will her friends think?  Is this the right decision? Will she go to Hell? Does this make her a whore?

Jeez!!! Can a body get what it biologically needs without so much complication?

I guess what I’m saying is, waiting is all good and well, but ONLY ONLY ONLY if this is what you want to do for yourself. Don’t wait or give in because of external influence, do what you want for your temple. That being said, do you want to know what it’s like losing it at 23 on a wild and crazy wedding night where there were arguments about sliced melons and his mom walked my mom down the aisle? Look out for my next post “Virgin’s Guide to Expectation.”

Until then, here are some fun facts that aren’t widely discussed among those of us who waited for the deflowering, and are now sitting somewhere reflecting on our life decisions.


Nah. Not so much. I came to terms with why I decided to keep the lid on the old cookie jar shut and the benefits, for me, outweighed the alternative. However, like any human, the “what if” and “unknown” will always play with my imagination. It would be nice to have had a point of reference, but for an emotional psychopath like myself…I don’t think it’s necessary. Or worth the risk.


Tbh…I think there is this inner, extremely sexually liberated, no strings attached version of me who is incapable of jealousy, has a very few number of F**ks to give, and wears purple lipstick like a boss. I watch her in awe and envy. I stalk her, halfway trying to make sure she doesn’t come out since she is not the version of myself I chose when I got married, and halfway out of infatuation. She is so captivating and powerful. She might be lonely, but she doesn’t mind it much. She’s got travel, and paramours, and never keeps a job more than 9 months at a time (for the irony, because she doesn’t want to get stuck at a job and forget to rebirth herself). Her main source of income comes from freelance work through Fiverr and she’s a mystery shopper. She has a dog named Baby, and fish named Mama because she ain’t tryna have no kids right now…I could go on, but yes I’m curious to see how that would have ended up. but if it had ended up that way I’d be curious to see how a life like mine would have been. bet money they’re probably identical in the amount of happiness and disappointment.


It is a stress free life, I will tell you. No pregnancy scares. No itchy surprises. Nobody stalking me trying to get a second taste… so to speak. The best part about it all is that I don’t have anyone that I’ve had to try to scrub off and out of my body as a result of a bad breakup, being lied to,  or other horrible situations.

So all in all, you decide, #SexOrNah?


Share this article

  • that was awesome i loved reading this i enjoyed the way you wrote it , that is a topic i guess no one addresses…good on ya bout time someone spoke up

  • Kirstenaire
    February 13, 2018

    Liberating & lovely. ♥️

  • Darelle Barney
    February 15, 2018

    Those benefits damn sure outweighed the alternative LOL. I enjoyed this and look forward to more.

  • tobeadultish
    March 23, 2018

    This took some major balls to write. You go girl!!!

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