If I am in over my head, and you are not interested in me any more please stop me. I swear I will leave you alone and do no more than help us grow and function as colleagues. You won’t hear from me on a personal level ever again.
But If you feel anything…anything at all close to what I feel for you and you are holding back, because you want to protect me… you’re committing a murder suicide. Help me save us. I hate this. I hate you. I love you. and I am going crazy. If you think I give a fuck about any of your habits, or if I’m going to try to stop you from doing what you want, you’re wrong. I want you past all those things. God, I wish you’d just call me so I can tell you all of this but my stupid mouth probably would fix itself to silence while you spoke, and you’d never hear what’s on my mind. What is really on my mind is that I am excruciatingly, desperately, sickeningly, terrifyingly in love with you. you keep telling me we aren’t compatible, but you say you can’t keep away from me. you tell me to stay away from you, but you call and I come.
What is this? I feel you slipping away and I don’t know what to say to convince you you don’t have to do that…god I know how pathetic this must sound, but I don’t want to lose you. I’m not asking you for a commitment, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m not Trying to tie you down. I just want you to be in my life…in whatever way you can be.