In this scene, the freshly broken couple go for their last ride together in Raz’s car, per his request to talk to Pangea after a show. We aren’t sure who loves who or why Raz is being such an ass or why Pangea isn’t saying what she means but the tension rises with his speed and they just might get pulled over.
“you still pretty hurt huh?” his tone was more serious now. Sober and gentle.
“Its very hard to be around you.”
“why?” he scoffed and shrugged.
“why? WHY? you really don’t understand why?”
He shook his head in confusion. She shook hers right afterward,
“I swear sometimes you act as if you’ve been sleeping for the past year and a half of our relationship. Either that or you’re just retarded.”
“that may be so…but you still haven’t told me why, therefore I still don’t know.”
“It hurts that you are going to father a child that will not come from my womb. It hurts that you left and I AM STILL after all this time, trying to get over you.”
“go have sex with somebody.”
She began looking out of the window again…wanting to crack it open with her skull…or his.
“I hate you Raz Fyre. Sometimes.”
“yeah I know. I think it’s cute,” he laughed.
“I’m glad you find it funny.”
“good, because I do.”
She willed with her entire being for the car to move faster towards her house so she could get away from this creature that was making her feel increasingly worse that she already did.
“don’t start that again,” he responded to her quietness.
“what do you want me to say?” she almost wined.
“tell me what upsets you the most.”
“I am tired of talking about this.”
“yet…you have so much more to say.”
In spite of every fiber of her existence telling her to keep quiet and no to say another word, her voice wavered into the next statement,
“I-I just want to know that I wasn’t alone in the potency of whatever we had. I want to know that it wasn’t just me feeling it. I want to know that you weren’t completely emotionally checked out after the first week of us.”
“I definitely had feelings for you. and I still care about you.”
“so I’m sure you can imagine how hard it is being around you.” she continued.
“is it the temptation?” he asked, the imp in him coming back out as he mischievously poked her thigh. She flinched too hard. An aha! Expression painted his face,
“oh, I see what it is, you miss me doing this,” he commenced to rubbing up and down the side of her body despite her protests and attempts to hit his arm away. the car swerves a little. Why were they still on the highway, Tordonacle was supposed to be in sight by now.
“well, I miss it too,” he said softer. It was dope. as much as I’d like to do this,” he makes a grabbing motion toward her breast, “and touch you, and hold you, and do all kinds of things to you…we can never have that again. It can’t happen again unfortunately, because I truly love that woman. Think of it as a golden statue, some shiny shrine that you just can never touch again. That’s what helps me at least.”
“I just need to stay away. completely.” Pangea was trying so hard not to cry.
“wait, now don’t disown us. We are your friends. We love you forever, no matter what. Don’t throw that away over nothing.” he reasoned.
“that’s right…because this was nothing. NOTHING AT ALL. Just a sick joke that I’ll have to learn how to laugh at huh?” she chuckled bitterly.
“hey, I know what will make us both stronger,”
“what?” she coughed, trying to disguise the tears in her voice.
“temptation.” Raz replied
“that’s not very wise at all, Raz. That would not work.”
He explained further, “I’m not saying you’re just this big mass of temptation for me, but it is something like that. and honestly, If I can abstain from the temptation of you, it just shows how much I love her.”
“did you ever love me like that?” she asked suddenly.
“I’m not saying to the degree, but did you love me in that way at all?”
“no. I never loved you like I love her.”
Pangea tossed and turned. imagine! Her, granted the role of the temptress used only to prove to Raz how much he loved his newly pregnant wife. she couldn’t blame him for loving the mother of his children…but she could blame him for speaking to her as if their entire relationship had been a brief cold chill in an unseasonably warm Autumn. A fleeting, almost non-existent gap in their lives not even worth mentioning in the fine print of their existences. All that mattered was Iris and their bump.
Pangea rolled off the bed and felt so much like an idiot that she slept there. on the floor. no pillow, just a blanket and tears of embarrassment. The voices in her head kept repeating one thing. She should never have got into that G** Damned car.
she should have walked home.