We shouldn’t drink on empty stomachs like that. It was her idea. She’d rather float away quickly, than drink for a polite, social sluggishness over crackers or cheese. I won’t tell her no. We shouldn’t drink on empty souls either, the impossible things we want, the threat of making those things possible burned the ends of our tongues
the cigaretted options! Smoke crawled from our lips and there was too much table sized space between us. I blinked,
and her pillowy ass was in my lap. Telepathically I was inside her to the beat of one thousand chord changes, the scratching on records matching the friction I would cause
as I dug in.
The fantasy is just as good as feeling her leg hairs tickle my thighs when we’d lay woven into the dim mornings. In that short lived year of too little rain, and too much heat, and only a week of winter. I remember our time and its seasons scene, by effervescent scene. Every time the memories end in the same place, I die the same way. At heart, alone, and hungry.
The fantasy will never be as good, but I will say it is until it is because that is all there is. well that and pillow ass winding against my groin. I will push her off me after this song.
So this is what happens when you don’t make love while you have the chance
She’ll be sitting in your lap a few years later because she’s drunk, and you can’t really touch her in public like you want.
Life goes on. New beats give birth to other beats and those beats bring forth new beats and suddenly you have a family of songs that can never return to the original, unremixed, unsampled simple…of a college boy and his girl playing naked under unpenetrated covers. You can remember mouths, and fingers, wet, moans, and almosts…but those are echoes, demos. Untouchable and only 15 seconds long. Interrupted by commercial breaks
You cant stream regrets and hope the right version plays. The version where everything is everything and you know what the inside of her vagina feels like.
No. you cannot.
So the fantasy must be just as good.
The song ends and I nudge her off, pretending she’s put my legs to sleep.