My number one feat to conquer this year? To preserve the few thin strands of emotional sanity I have left. I’m needing this to happen in the face of turning 26, not having a real career, student loan debt, degree anxiety, family illness, and year two of an intense Scorpio Aquarius marriage (yikes!).
This goal is impossible in just one step so this post is a breakdown of contributors to ending your average, everyday spiral into madness.
If you have any cool goals, tips, or activities that help you keep it together in the rough patches, please share in the comments!
1. Take Probiotics (at least 25 billion strong), Blackseed oil (liquid), and smoothies with Hempseed in them.
It is amazing how much more your body will respect you if you keep it regular. I’ve been doing these three things consistently through flu season, and have definitely seen an 180 degree turnaround in my immune system. LAWD! I feel better. Even though I’m not eating like a health guru, these three little steps give me a boost that I can feel. I may post about them in more detail later.
2. Take up Boxing again (and really kick some ass this time)
YO! I have to take this time to say that if you’re doing personal training and you are at any time uncomfortable with what happens in your sessions (sexual innuendos, unwanted physical contact, cringy comments) stop it immediately and find something else. It’s not only for your safety, but for your long term success. If your trainer leaves this type of bad taste in your mouth, working out may end up having a bad connotation in your mind and you’ll quit later!! What a waste that would be. I know from experience. I let a few of my ex-trainers inappropriate comments go, and rode that little confidence booster until he got way too comfortable. I blamed myself for allowing the abundance of compliments and not nipping it in the bud when it started. Eventually I forgave myself, immediately cut off the rest of those sessions. I was so discouraged that I lost momentum and here I am, still loving the sport of boxing but haven’t hit a bag in a two years! I’m ready to kick some butt again.
3. Understand my Anxiety by writing through it
I’m a poet, but I’m not big on vainly writing my woes and expecting readers to care. I NEED to defamiliarize and make my readers feel like they are reading something that came from inside of themselves. I write universally. So this goal goes against all my writing instincts. But my anxiety SUCKS. And it’s thicker now, it’s heavy, and it’s that roommate that always leaves stinky wet towels on the floor. I need to write things with no nuances. Just raw “This is how I feel” thought. I need this as a catalogue and reminder that I am not my feelings. Even though I can’t control them I can always control what the environment is like on the inside of myself. It doesn’t have to be a constant sh*t storm. Seriously.
4. Beat my face like nobody’s business
GUUUUURRRRRL lemme tell you. I have been on these beauty blogs just stalking like I’m trying to get a degree in contour and highlight! I’ve learned so much and I’m done being modest with my face. (Hair too…I’m working on my next lace frontal investment!) I’m going to wear a bunch more make-up and test these theories out. Shout outs to these YouTubers: Jackie Aina, TheBritainSnowEffect, Teaira Walker, Glamazontay, Cosmeholics Anonymous
5. Take a shovel, a garbage bag, and create room to walk from my kitchen to the bedrooms.
It’s like I know there’s a floor under there somewhere, but…how far down under all these clothes, papers, mags, dvds, and books? I promise I’m not a hoarder.
6. Figure out if I’m developing extremest feminist views by coming out about some of my concerns with the condition of how men and women relate to each other in 2018. I keep my opinions on these things to myself, but this is a biggie.
Do I vehemently disagree with how American society deals with women and women related issues? Yes. Do I feel like it’s hard to find the right voice to articulate this while being a career challenged black woman with an English degree and a crippling feeling of insignificance? Yes, yes indeed. But that can’t stop me from sharing my pain as it relates to how shell shocking it is to date and/or carry on in a young marriage within the status quo. Here’s one rant example: My culture is hip hop/rap/ r&b, but as connected as we are to it, my sisters and I are alienated from it as well. It changes us. It poisons us and how men look at us. It poisons the psyches of our sons, boyfriends, and husbands who already have been programmed by a society that doesn’t support monogamous relationships (i.e everyday porn in places they’re not even looking for it like ads, having grown up in the age of B.E.T After Dark, external forces that weigh manhood in the number of vaginas one has been inside of). Sh*t like this destroys a fair amount of hope I have in relationships as a whole. But those are the abysmal thoughts that take me to the sunken place so…..NEXT
7. Link up and Sync up!
So many acquaintances, so few relationships. I want a gaggle of girlfriends, and I’m not stopping until I get them. Part B of this goal is to throw a nice little party at the beginning of next year. We’ll have wine, and glitter, and eat cheesecake, and twerk while we suck the air out of helium balloons. And yes the title of this one is a slight menstruation joke. kinda lame. I’ll do better in the future.
8. Renew My Subscription to a Higher power
Pretty self explanatory. I was a devout Christian, waited to have sex until marriage and married pretty young largely for that reason, joined a very strict church, lived life by not really LIVING life, I knew the Bible. Now…well I’m spiritual and prayerful, but disconnected. There’s got to be something within the human experience that is in between conviction, life and happiness. Don’t you think? The energy and the type of person you are are the real fruits of the spirit. How do you take these to the next level and reach peace/connection with the world beyond the physical one?
9. Blog, Vlog, and Snog Consistently
I mean it this time. Really! Vlogs, blogs, podcasts, perhaps more publications. That thing with the talking on camera and having to watch yourself on camera afterward….then post it!? yeah no. But I’ll get over that and then I’ll be good to go with my lifestyle YouTube channel. Poetry, storytimes, rants, and jokes, and tidbits on academia! Why not!? And I threw in Snogging because it rhymes, and not enough people I talk to know that that word means kiss. Now you’ve got another word for kiss. Your welcome.
10. Be a Real Scorpio
Okay, you caught me. I am way too into the signs of the zodiac! My sun sign is Scorpio, (moon sign Capricorn). My musical faves SZA, Miguel, and Frank Ocean were also born under this intensity and you can hear it in every bulging capillary of their songs. My tenth goal is to embrace the main traits of my sign because I am capable of them and they would ultimately make me happier. I have a responsibility to be wild, untamed, passionate, insane, sexy, bold, and unfiltered!! What does your sign say? Does it sound fun/fulfilling? live it!
That’s all for now <3