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Self-Care Channel?

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Apparently it takes about 2 months for me to storyboard the 26th year of my life. But I think I have a pretty good outline going!

My day job: I’m still convinced it’s a jail that precludes the freedom and happiness I’m destined for once I regain my ambition. It is, however, the rehabilitation portion of the prison term where you are plotting how to be successful when you make it out and planning how to NEVER return. Even with all of this, it still teaches me compassion every day.

Remember my Vaping rave? Still lighting it living it loving it! I actually let my hipster mother try it, and she almost choked! :((( Soooo definitely advocating people to take it slow your first time lol that was not fun!

I am about to start my last semester as a grad student at Sewanee University as an MFA candidate in creative writing. Best choice of major? Probably not actually in 2018, BUT my hustle is strong and I’m creating ways to turn that decision into financial stability, yaaaas!

Boo and I have discovered we don’t know a damn thing about marriage, but the                  shitty-ness of that is actually bringing us closer together.

As a partial result of the former item on the list, I’m a bit on the depressed side of the spectrum and… it is so weird you guys. Let me tell you, if you’ve never been in that state, you might assume it feels like an intense sadness or gray cloud just raining tears on your head. I would have to describe it more as being in sleep paralysis. You are trying to move and maybe you can twitch a finger, wiggle a toe, move your closed eyes a bit but you are unable to sit up or even move your head! An unintentional idleness. Days go by and its like you clock-watch your own life like its a job you’re waiting to get off from. Sure there’s the occasional bout of acute/stabbing emotional pain (if you have a trigger for your depression) but most of the time it’s just the soft blankness of not feeling like yourself…or even like a person. Lonely, self-critical, guilty. UGH so weird, so sucky lets move on.

All of this just SCREAMS start a Self-care YouTube channel to keep motivated and track my progress. It’s so hard to see your own walk while you’re in it. You can’t really see how to improve upon yourself when the weight of so much emotional grief is upon you. I’ve been toying with the idea of playing on the video site with makeup and hair tips but how pretentious is that? Like who am I? lol I’m not exactly a Bri Hall or a JackieAina with the lipstick and eyeliner. I never had a niche that stuck when it came to videos until now. How cool would it be to pull myself out of this hellish state of being by creating content related to self-care, and living well despite the wrongs that have been done you, despite your emotional/mental state, despite the feelings of hopelessness or doubt.

I mean…I would watch something like that. Would you?  At best it will be an extension of the most flourishing parts of being a young black woman in pursuit of daily joy. At worst….maybe just an extension of this lil bitty lifestyle blog lol win win.

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